What Hurts the Most
by beautifullyblunt
Summary: Eric Myers dumping her isn't the end of the world. She's a big girl, and big girls move on with their lives.  And if she thinks about him sometimes, well, who's going to know?


Author's Note/Warning: I am fully aware that this story isn't in-character. I don't care. Some people like it, I don't want to change it, and if _you _don't like my story, dear reader? Go read something else.

Disclaimer: I do not own Power Rangers.

**What Hurts the Most**

It rains. The house is quiet — empty. She never thought emptiness — or memories — would bother her so much. She sighs.

"_Taylor?" It's Eric._

"_What?" she snaps, without turning around. She hates having to talk to him the day after a fight._

"_I can't do this anymore. Sorry." He walks away. Well, there are footsteps, at least. She can't turn around, can't stop him or plead with him or demand to know what he thinks he's doing. Taylor Earhardt is frozen, fingers still wrapped around the gun she was cleaning. _Why? _She wonders. _Why would he do this?

_She stands there for what seems like an age, frozen with shock and hurt. A possible answer occurs to her. _He's giving up because he doesn't care. _She recoils from the thought, but it sparks an emptiness inside her, because she's afraid it's true. And in one corner of her mind, she notices that he was awfully abrupt. Here and gone. _Maybe he really doesn't care. If he cared, he'd've told me to my face, right?

_Her fingers are still clamped around the gun._

A few weeks later, she quits the Silver Guardians. It's just too hard to be around them. Eric giving her orders without a second glance — which hurts more than she's expecting, although she's dying to know how he does it. Her own mask needs some work. And the newly-constructed wall around her heart, too…She feels worse and worse with every look at his face. Wes looks at her when he thinks she's not watching (she doesn't care to decipher those looks), the other Guardians and the secretaries whisper together about the new 'scandal'; the secretaries, at least, love having something to gossip about closer to home; Brad Pitt and Angelia Jolie are all well and good, but Taylor and Eric breaking up is so much more noteworthy. It's all enough to make tears come to her eyes sometimes. Privately, of course. Taylor always blinks them away before they can fall.

She doesn't bother with him when she resigns; she goes to Wes. He sighs and shakes his head, but Taylor can tell he knew this was coming, and she suspects that his regret comes from losing a Guardian rather than having a friend leave – he hates paperwork. She's not even sure they really were friends; after all, he and Eric knew each other long before she showed up. Maybe he was just being nice to his partner's girlfriend.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Wes asks. She has, after all, told him before that she loves being a Guardian. It the next-best thing to being a Power Ranger, and she can't be that anymore. Taylor doesn't answer, just rewards him with an eye roll as she walks out. In her car, she congratulates herself. An outsider hearing the conversation would have believed that she was honestly _bored_ with being a Guardian. (As if. It's not her job that bothers her. It's the people.) Anyone who'd heard the gossip (everyone at headquarters, basically) would probably guess her real reason, but it had been great acting, all the same.

There's no point in going home. She avoids that place like the plague. It has too many memories. Remembering Dana from when she, Wes, and Eric had a "ranger day" with the Lightspeed Rescue team, she calls her up and they make plans to get together, meeting in a café at the edge of Mariner Bay. Taylor likes Dana, who is a no-nonsense person, and is surprised when she learns that they both have medical degrees, although Taylor decided to enter the Air Force instead. When Dana says she'd offer Taylor a job as her assistant if Taylor wasn't a Silver Guardian, Taylor explains that she's not, "Not anymore, anyway." Somehow, the whole story comes spilling out, and somehow, by the time the two leave the café and go their separate ways, they are friends.

* * *

Unfortunately, not even the triumph of a job takes away Taylor's reoccurring nightmare. It is the scene from a few weeks before, and she hates it. It hurts to see Eric walk away, over and over again. And a mocking voice always reminds her, _You never told him you loved him. Your loss, his gain. _Trusting people, never an easy thing for her, is just not happening now, not with that wall still in place. Although she moves to Mariner Bay, she makes no friends and works full-time with Dana, often staying far later than her co-worker. She doesn't meet Dana's friends, or the other Lightspeed rangers. Nor does she make the effort to.

Often, in the first weeks after she quit, Taylor found herself thinking of Eric, wondering what would be different right now if he hadn't given up on her. At least, that's how she thinks of it. It's three months later now, and she's sick of thinking about it, but she can't stop obsessing.

She's driving home, tiredly wishing she'd told him that she loved him. Obsessing again. If she had fought down her pride, her fear of rejection, he might have known…

_And now he never will, _she vows. She's suddenly angry at herself. _Get over him already. You don't do anyone any good by acting like a lovesick teenager._ She knows that she's not acting quite that way, but still…

Idly, Taylor wonders if 'Hold On'—the song currently on the radio—has influenced her decision, even though she's never liked the Jonas Brothers' music.

_When you love someone, and they break your heart, don't give up on love, have faith re-start…_

She grabs her phone and dials, notes the irony of the situation and hopes that there are no Silver Guardians in the area. She's only going a _little _over the speed limit… "Hey, Alyssa. I was wondering…would you like to meet the Lightspeed rangers?" Taylor ignores the Silver Guardians car on the side of the road. (And it is the same car, with the same two people, and although Wes smiles, Eric does not. Instead, he watches, stone-faced as she drives by. But the windows are rolled up and tinted; Taylor doesn't recognize them.) She feels a little twinge of guilt; Alyssa sounds really happy to hear from her. Hasn't she called them recently?

_Oh. _She hasn't talked to any of her old ranger teammates since the breakup.

Cole, Alyssa, and Taylor crash the Lightspeed party, although Dana doesn't mind. (She'd invited Taylor, but Taylor had said no…) Taylor's more friendly with them than she's been with anyone for several months (since the breakup) and Dana watches her out of her corner of her eye. The Pink Ranger can see that Taylor's not entirely comfortable, but she's trying.

Alyssa and Taylor wander outside after awhile and talk, the way they used to. Taylor feels worse about distancing herself. Alyssa keeps up a steady stream of news, and laughing as she tells Taylor about Danny falling face-first into… A giggle escapes Taylor. A _giggle. _She stares up at the stars as Lyssa talks on. _I missed this. _The realization is surprising, but it's true. She misses her friends, and she's going to fix that.

By the time the party breaks up, she's made more friends.

She walks out smiling.

* * *

The emptiness of her house still bothers her; but she's a big girl, she tells herself, and she can handle it. At work, she and Dana start discussing Taylor becoming a real doctor. The Silver Guardians have a new branch in Mariner Bay (although she's not sure why; Mariner Bay has Power Rangers; what's the point of the Silver Guardians being there? She decides it must be for people who are desperate for protection. The same was true in Silver Hills, anyway), and her old 'friends' from her Silver Guardian days have started coming in with monster-induced injuries. It sparks her desire to get away.

"I'm sure you'll get a job," Dana assures her. "You're good at this. Better than you should be, after… how many years?"

"But I had lots of practice being a ranger," she points out. "Besides, I used to volunteer to help the orphanage doctor in my spare time. Max would probably die of shock if he knew. He loves to tease me about being heartless." They laugh again and get back to work.

Although she is a good doctor, she doesn't expect to get a job right away. Even with Uncle Mitchell's influence, (it slipped out one day. Blushing, she tried to apologize, but he wouldn't hear of it. He's taken to her like a lost daughter and she knows he'll help) and the little white lie that her ranger days were spent interning, she's resigned to spending awhile in Mariner Bay.

But, surprisingly, she gets a job a week after applying. Dana isn't happy when she hears it's in Turtle Cove. "Taylor, you should stay here," she says.

"Mariner Bay has you already," Taylor points out. "Adding me is overkill." She has her suspicions about who got her that job; but, hey, it's a job, and a good one, too.

* * *

She's rather used to moving by now, and this time it's easier, because the entire Lightspeed team pitches in to help. Joel, as always, messes around. "Hey, triplets," he yells to Dana, Ryan, and Taylor through an open window, "hurry up, will you?" Filthy hypocrite. All he does is stand there and talk…But it's true, they all have the same blond hair.

The rangers get called away in the middle of helping her unpack. They apologize as they run off to stop an out-of-control fire, but she doesn't mind. As always, moving has sparked the memories of when she moved to Silver Hills, and Eric helped her move in. She regrets that she never asked him why he ended it, regrets that she never told him she loved him. She always does. It'd be nice to have a do-over, if she could keep her friends. _You can't have everything, _she reminds herself.

Taylor soon proves that not only is she a good doctor, she is excellent with children and difficult patients. She's not as awesome with mystery diagnosis, but if she gets desperate, she calls Dana.

Taylor's boss starts sending her with ambulances sometimes, but Taylor doesn't mind. Interestingly, she starts making friends on these trips, with the patients and other medics alike. More friends. She marvels.

Dana can't get over Taylor's former withdrawnness. "Weirdo," she says with a laugh during one of their phone conversations. It's a private joke of theirs, because they'd gotten together and done some tests on ranger blood; as it turns out, anyone who has been a ranger really is abnormal.

One time, when a huge fire starts in the middle of Turtle Cove, Taylor is sent in an ambulance. She doesn't like fires, but this time she notices a girl stumbling through the crowd of panicking people. The girl catches her eye because, unlike the others, she's plodding **towards** the fire. She has some burns and several nasty gashes, so Taylor takes her back to the hospital for stitches.

"What's your name?" she asks quietly.

The little girl is staring at her hands. "What's it to you?" she mumbles.

"C'mon. Can't hurt to tell me, can it?" No answer. Frowning, Taylor tries a different tack. "Where are your parents? They must be worried about you."

The girl snorts. "Ain't got none. I live at the home." She pauses, and then looks up, frowning back at Taylor. "I'm April," she offers as a consolation prize.

Taylor takes in the thin frame, worn clothes, and grime that seems more permanently grafted to her skin than dirt that's been there for a day. "You do not live at the home. When was the last time you ate?" April blinks. "I ran away once," Taylor explains. "Decided that free food overruled independence." This isn't true, but she's not spilling her sob story to a kid while surrounded by gossiping, eavesdropping coworkers. (No matter where she goes, she can't escape the gossiping coworkers. Or annoying flirts.)

The girl is an orphan, Taylor discovers on the way to the hospital, who lives on the streets without three meals a day. She has a word with her boss, who agrees to let Taylor give the girl a free checkup, and Taylor takes her home, where she stays. The adoption process is long and frustrating, but at least she's not going to be waiting in China for five years…Once the deed is done, she's ecstatic (although she'll deny it to her dying day). She sends an e-mail to Alyssa and Dana, and five minutes later (she swears it was only five minutes!) there's knocking at her door.

Dana must have done the knocking, because Alyssa is too impatient to wait and barges in. "Where is she?" she asks eagerly.

Seven years old, April no longer lives on the streets. She calls Taylor "Mummy" in her funny British accent a few weeks after Taylor adopts her. (She laughs so hard she cries when she and Taylor watch _The Empty Child_; it's her favorite _Doctor Who._ It's a strange reaction, to be sure, but it might have been because her Uncle Max was cowering beside her.) April loves Taylor's friends, unusual as they are, and they adore her.

Taylor's house isn't empty anymore. It's filled with shrieking, giggling, energetic girls at least twice a week, because April recovered from her reclusive phase very quickly once introduced to school.

She doesn't have that nightmare anymore, either. It must be from exhaustion, she thinks with a smile.

"Mummy! The cookies are done!"

* * *

Because Kelsey loves adventure and has never been to Turtle Cove, she makes Taylor come along with her on a rock-climbing spree, leaving April with Cole, Alyssa, and their new baby. On the way there, Taylor stops by the Silver Guardians headquarters. Kelsey complains, but they're going to a place near HQ, and as Taylor points out to her, "I'm driving." The secretary remembers her, and points her to Wes's office, no questions asked.

"It was you that got me my job, wasn't it?" she demands, making him jump. He's been staring at paperwork for the last hour and didn't hear her come in, but he welcomes a break from the dullness and gives Taylor his full attention. "Yeah," he says, grinning. "I knew you'd figure it out eventually," he can't help smirking as she glares at him, "but in all honesty, I never expected you to come here." He raises an eyebrow.

"What's wrong with here?" she asks with a shrug.

Wes laughs. "You have moved on, haven't you?"

"Grown up is more like it." She looks out the window behind him and smiles. It's got a perfect view of her car, and she and Kelsey can see each other pretty well. "Well, Kels is getting impatient, so I can't stay and chat. I just wanted to know if it was you." He twists around, grins, and waves, recognizing the Yellow Lightspeed ranger.

"I'll walk you out," he says, and they catch up and laugh all the way down the stairs. "Well," Wes looks through the window at the two of them, "Kelsey, try to keep her under control and don't let her speed again, because I won't let you off if you get another ticket."

"Thanks," Taylor mutters, starting the car; Kelsey looks as though Christmas has come early.

"What, the Lightspeed rangers don't get special privileges?" Kelsey asks, even though she's smirking at Taylor. Ryan and Joel will just love to hear this. Taylor sighs. Her life is going to be unbearable for the next few weeks. Although, she muses, she could always distract them by reminding them of the incident a few weeks before. But she discards that idea; Chad hasn't annoyed her recently and making him take the brunt of Joel's teasing would be too cruel.

"Not when you ride with her," Wes jokes, pointing to Taylor. "See ya."

"Bye!" they call, and he waves them off.

"Who was that?" the Quantum ranger asks when he comes in.

"Kelsey," he replies innocently, and leaves before Eric can detect his lie.

* * *

Monsters have begun reappearing. Although Taylor loves the feeling she gets when she saves someone's life, she misses feeling powerful, the way she used to when she eradicated evil, and feeling the pleasure of knowing she has helped stop criminals. She begins volunteering at orphanages and free clinics in her spare time. She needs something to **do**. Taylor takes her daughter to meet the children that know the darker side of life, like April herself used to. April (who is eight-and-a-half now and calls her 'Mum' these days) likes meeting these children, and Taylor begins to think of adopting a little girl, two years younger than April, named May. (The girls giggle over their names frequently — they were named after the months they were born in.) They look remarkably similar, and she wonders if they're related.

Adopting anyone now is out of the question, however. The monster attacks are becoming more frequent, and she is sent more and more with the ambulances, leaving her assistant to take care of her missed appointments. That doesn't worry her. The assistant, Nala, reminds her of herself and can handle just about any patient. (Taylor likes to think Nala learned that from her.)The reason, her boss tells her, that she is sent out so often is because "You manage well under pressure, you can fight, and more and more, your kinds of skills are needed." Monsters are definitely coming back to Turtle Cove, but they're not orgs, so Taylor has no hope of being the Yellow Eagle again. Although it means she doesn't have to worry about keeping her job, she can't help but think wistfully of her ranger days.

Nowadays, her biggest issue is avoiding any Silver Guardians that happen to be at the attacks, and this becomes almost impossible. There are no rangers to stop these monsters, save the two in the Silver Guardians, so the Silver Guardians are always there. But that's not the problem; if that was all, they'd be too busy fighting to ever notice her. For some reason, the Silver Guardians start helping people caught in the attacks — loading them into the ambulances, leading them to safety while the others fight, etc. — and there are simply not enough ways to evade them, not when there are people she needs to help. Some of them she recognizes — Todd, Ben, Mark. Others she doesn't, and she welcomes those times. It's funny, though — at first, they seem so surprised when they see her. Tim's jaw had dropped. At first. And afterward, they always help her. After awhile, their reactions aren't so comical, because word has spread ("Earhardt's a medic now") and she just sees old friends helping her out, although they usually say hello.

Her desperation to not been seen dims; as long as she never has to see Eric. And interestingly, she never does. She only sees Wes in ranger form; but she hears plenty of talk from the other medics, and gathers that there are often two attacks in different locations, and the Silver Guardians have split to compensate.

_Maybe Wes has something to do with it. _She considers the idea, but it's hardly important — not worth going to his office again.

Her life is almost perfect. She's got a daughter that loves her (and although she won't admit this to anyone but herself, she's pretty sure that May will soon be part of the family, once this whole monster business is over). She has a great job, one that she loves almost as much as being a Silver Guardian. She's got a lot of friends, and most of them know what it's like to be a power ranger.

Her life is almost perfect.

But it isn't quite perfect, because Eric's not in it.

Still, she can't believe her luck. The probability of not seeing Eric, even once, is 2145.6 to…

_Okay. No more Original Star Trek marathons._

* * *

Eventually, her luck runs out.

There's a monster attack, as there so often is nowadays. The thing is at Town Hall, and a lot of people are there. Dana calls to warn Taylor — Wes has sent out an alert to the other rangers. "He says that this one can sense rangers, or former rangers — and he's a bounty hunter. A **ranger **bounty hunter. You can't go."

"I have to. It's my job."

"You don't have a morpher anymore, remember?"

"Come on, Day, have some faith in the Guardians. I'm going."

Dana sighs, and Taylor knows she's resigned to Taylor's stubbornness. "Fine, but…try to stay out of the way. Please?"

While Dana is nice and polite, she doesn't often say 'Please' to Taylor. Taylor knows that Dana is serious. "I'll try," she says.

"Guess that's the best I can ask for. Cole's meeting some former reds in Turtle Cove; he promised to take care of April 'til you get back. He swears his guests won't mind her if they can stand the screaming baby in the house."

"Andria's not that bad. If Ryan can stand her, anybody can. Thank him for me. We're almost there; I've gotta go."

"Stay safe," she whispers, and hangs up. Taylor sighs and puts the phone away.

"Problem, Earhardt?" McJayden asks. She forces a smile. _If he flirts with me today_, _I'll punch him, _she decides. "Huh-uh. I'm fine."

"Wes?"

"I'm a little busy here, Dana," he replies, dodging.

"Watch out for Taylor. She's in one of the ambulances."

"Dana, she's been to monster attacks before."

"I've got a bad feeling about this. We're standing by; if you need us, we're two minutes away."

He pauses. "You really care about her, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

This must be a bad one, she thinks, because the Silver Guardians are there in full force, including Eric Myers.

There's an unexpected twinge in her chest. It surprises her, because she'd thought she'd gotten over him ages ago. She dated four other men after him, she has a good job, and she **hasn't moped**.

_You are __**not**__ here to stare at him and feel bad, _Taylor reminds herself furiously._ You've got a job to do. Do it._

Town Hall isn't looking so good; the square looks even worse. There's a hole blown in the town hall's wall, junks of concrete missing from the sidewalk, and a fire starting to get majorly out of control. She sees Carter in one of the fire trucks that pulls up and catches his eye. He gives her a solemn nod and gets to work. _Like you should be doing, _she scolds herself. But as she looks over the terrified crowds with an expert eye, examining them for problematic injuries, she wonders: why aren't the others dressed up as firefighters, if Dana's that worried? The answer comes to her as she runs toward a badly limping boy and his frantic mother. Dana may be worried, but she's not stupid; and she must have some faith in the Time Force rangers. One unmorphed ranger might be missed, but six, hanging around an ex-ranger? Too obvious. The others are probably waiting somewhere out of sight, just in case. With that thought, Taylor gives her full attention to treating and helping people.

Some people are completely fine, just scared out of their wits and covered with dirt they can wash off at home. As the monster blasts something else, sending more concrete flying, more injuries start to appear. Some people need stitches for the bloody gashes; she orders those to head to the hospital. Others are fine, but on the edge of hysterics; she does her best to soothe them in the three seconds she can spare and directs them to a calmer person.

Burns are a problem; this becomes evident as she walks towards the fire, squinting to see if there are people trapped behind it. She notices Carter stumble. He glances down, stops, and waves her over. The object he tripped over is a little boy, badly burned. Taylor picks him up and heads toward the ambulances, mentally cursing careless parents as she goes.

"You're no match for me, little ranger!" The shout distracts her from the child in her arms; startled, she glances up to see Eric go flying. He lands a few yards away from her, demorphing as he lands. He doesn't get up.

"Beckmon!" she yells, and he takes the child from her. She runs over the mine-field of broken concrete to Eric. As she kneels beside him, he groans and stirs. "Eric?"

His arm is bleeding. Judging by the bloody rock by it (ah, the powers of observation) he cut it as he fell. Eric's eyes open and he jerks away as she wipes some blood away from the wound. "Hold still, you idiot," she snaps. It's incredibly hard to wrap gauze around a patient's arm if said patient won't hold still (she knows from experience) and if she won't take it from little kids, she won't take it from Eric Myers. (Although, if she wanted tease him, she might say there's no difference between the two.) He stares at her in shock. "Taylor? What are you—"

"No, it's Pippy Longstocking," she retorts, interrupting him. She really doesn't want to get into this right now. She's expected him to have heard the gossip already, anyway; he doesn't have to look so surprised. Wes is looking frantically around for his injured comrade, and his eyes widen when he sees Taylor tending to Eric. Then, for some odd reason, he smirks and turns back to try to negotiate with Seethler, as the monster calls himself. Neither notice; Taylor is wrapping Eric's arm in gauze, and Eric is watching her.

"I said don't _move!" _she exclaims irritably.

"That hurts," he growls.

"It's an injury. I'm taking care of it. It's not supposed to feel nice," she points out calmly. Before, they would be yelling at each other by now, but Taylor has ended the argument reasonably (a minor miracle) and has continued wrapping his arm as they bantered. She sighs. "There. It's done," she tells him. They stand up. "Feel any stabbing pains anywhere, or should I go?" she asks. Finally, she looks at him — more exactly, she looks directly into his eyes, something she has been avoiding up till now. She is startled by what she sees, and she freezes. Gently, Eric reaches down and brushes some dirt off her grime-streaked face with his thumb. Their lips meet and for the first time in three years, Taylor and Eric kiss. Too soon, in Taylor's opinion, the two break apart, and she smiles. Out of the corner of her eye she sees McJayden fuming. Her smile widens.

* * *

"What a prize! A fallen power ranger!"

The cry brings them back to reality and with horror, Wes, Eric, and Taylor realize who it means in the same second — a second too late. "Open fire!" Wes yells; Eric pushes Taylor away; but the monster's blast hits her and sends her flying backward.

"Quantum Power!"

"Lightspeed Rescue!" Carter is unmasked.

_We're two minutes away,_ Dana had said. But was two minutes too long?

"Lightspeed Rescue!"

Finally, Wes is grateful Dana was overprotective. The others battle the monster, and Dana runs to Taylor, who is struggling to sit up.

"Looks like you were right," Taylor whispers.

"We have to get you to the hospital," Dana chokes out, tears rolling down her face.

Taylor tries to talk, but chokes and can't finish. It's so hard to breathe. And everything is painful and out of focus. _Sorry, Day, _she thinks.

She goes limp. Her eyes close.

She might be asleep.

_"NO!"_

* * *

"I'm sorry," Dana whispers, looking at the body on the table. "I'm sorry, Taylor; I tried, I swear!"

Suddenly she's crying, sliding out of her doctor-role, grieving for her best friend and all the things her best friend has lost. "I'll take care of May and April," she promises. "I'll adopt them both. I'll take care of everything." And she's sobbing brokenly, mourning Taylor and her own failure. "We're cousins, did you know?" Dana chokes out. "I checked our family tree. Our great-uncle, your grandfather, ran away and was never heard from again. You were wrong when you said you didn't have any family. You had me, and Dad and Ryan." A fit of anger overtakes her and she screams, "You shouldn't have left us! You should have stayed! Everyone always says you're a fighter, why couldn't you have just stayed?_ Why didn't you fight?_" But her fury dies and she's crying again. "Was life really that bad, that you let go?" She knows this is unfair. But it'll take such a long time to get over this hurtle, to repair the hole that Taylor's death has created (Dana doesn't think she'll ever heal; she supposes she'll learn to ignore it) that she's overwhelmed with misery, desperate to blame someone. Taylor had too many friends. There were too many people that this, her death, would hurt.

It wasn't fair.

Why couldn't Dana have saved her?

It will take Dana a long time to accept that she couldn't have done anything, changed the outcome. This wound is too raw for her to start healing yet.

She has to tell April. Oh, Zordon, what will she say to April? And May?

_Stand up, Day. C'mon; walk to the door. One foot and then the other._

She jumps. "Taylor?"

_Tell them good-bye for me._

"Taylor!"

Her friend's presence is gone; it's just her and an empty shell.

Maybe she's delusional.

But she has to tell the others. Dana wants to curl up in a ball and cry; cry and cry and maybe fall asleep and never wake up. But she's promised Taylor she'd take care of April, and May (although Taylor can't hear), and it's cruel to keep the girl waiting any longer, thinking she might ever see her mother again. Alive, anyway.

One foot, then the other. She walks to the door and opens it slowly, walks out and avoids their gaze. April, Cole, Alyssa and the baby, the rest of Wild Force (minus the princess), Lightspeed, Dad, a girl named Ella that Taylor met on one of her ambulance trips, a former black ranger she doesn't personally know…Wes. Eric. Her. And Dana sees Cole's red friends too.

They're all here.

She wishes she wasn't.

April. April is the most important.

One foot, then the other. She kneels down in front of the child, eye-to-eye. "April, I'm sorry," she says, and she meets April's nervous gaze (nervous but not yet devastated, because she believes in her childish innocence that _her_ mum can survive _anything_). "Taylor didn't make it."

It takes a second for the words to register; and then her face goes white.

April's shaking her head andtheroom'sblurring. Itcan'tbetrue itcan'tbetrue she'swrong she'swrong she'swrong mumwhereareyou…

"**No**!" she wails. She steps back from Aunt Dana, but the doctor's honest eyes have done their job and April knows she's telling the truth. It's only wishful thinking that she's not. But she can't accept that, not yet. "You're **lying!**"

Little Andria is bawling, woken by the cry. Alyssa's rocking her and shaking with silent sobs and Cole's comforting her and hasn't fully grasped it yet, Kelsey's sobbing and leaning into Ryan who's comforting her with his eyes full of unshed tears, Joel is stunned and can't quite believe it…Dana stops looking. She doesn't want to see.

April's shaking her head and flinging her arms around Aunt Dana and her cheeks are wet with tears that can't stop falling. "Please be wrong," she's begging Aunt Dana; but Aunt Dana won't say it, just holds her as she cries. April desperately wants her to say it, to tell April she's wrong and take her to see Mummy so Mummy can hug her and tell her that she's fine and recite one of Grandpa Doug's odd phrases. But she won't.

Aunt Kelsey's crying. It must be true. In April's world, truth and actions and behavior and a whole host of other things are done and judged and believed and accepted according to how the brave people act. And Aunt Kelsey's one of the closest brave person she can recognize because the room's still a blur and she's feeling dizzy and can't see very far.

AuntKelsey'scryingit'strue.

No.

No!

She's wailing again, and now Aunt Dana begins to cry and April's never seen her cry and it'strueit'strueit'strue…

_April crumples._

* * *

There's a hole in his heart and he can't breathe and he knows he's facing an abyss of misery if he doesn't get control of his feelings but he can't because the kid's words keep ringing in his ears…

_She wouldn't be dead if she hadn't quit the Silver Guardians_, the kid had said.

He's not sure how the kid knows what Taylor used to do or why she seems to be doing better than he is, but it doesn't matter because the kid's right and everyone knows it and it's_ all his fault. _

He can see it in their eyes that they don't blame him; they believe it would've happened eventually even if he hadn't broken up with her that day and everything would still be the same. But they're wrong. If he hadn't been a coward, hadn't left her because he was afraid that they'd just break each other's hearts, she'd still be here. With him.

Alive.

And he knows it was a mistake, could feel that when they kissed…if they hadn't kissed, if he had just let her go, would she still have been hit?

Probably.

And he would still have had to go to Taylor's funeral like he knows he'll have to now and it hurts to think her name.

But the funeral might help him move on; (he's on leave, which hardly ever happens) and Mr. Collins has given him as much time off as he needs. Wes must have clued him in, or maybe he's just observant. Even a blind person could see how he's feeling. His erratic emotions and stony face and scattered thoughts that he can't seem to stop…

Breathe.

He inhales and exhales and clenches his fist because deep breaths do no good at all and he wants so badly to punch something…

So he does. He trains and trains and vows to not only eliminate Seethler, but to destroy whoever sent these monsters to them and anyone or anything associated with it/them.

_Taylor._

It rips through him like a physical wound; except it can't be, because a physical wound would have to be fatal to cause this much painagony.

Torture is a better description, and it is torture because he's stuck on this earth living the rest of his life (however long that lasts) and he won't see her again 'til he dies and suicide's not an option.

_I'm sorry._

It's his fault. If he hadn't left her she wouldn't have quit. If she hadn't quit she wouldn't have been a doctor. If she hadn't been a doctor she wouldn't have been there if she hadn't been sent because she'd still be a Silver Guardian and if she had been sent she would have had a weapon.

Former Black ranger Adam was with them that day. He'd had a weapon. He'd stood there with them in the hospital and watched with the rest of them as the little girl cried (and she wasn't the only one crying) and Eric had a sneaking suspicion he'd noticed Eric's grief, because he seemed so attuned to those things. He is fine.

She is dead.

It's his fault.

_For every action, there is a reaction.*_

* * *

He'd smirked. Seen them talking and smirked, been positive that they'd get back together because he'd seen the way they were acting, mentally adding up his winnings from the bet. He'd turned back to Seethler and tried to negotiate. Hadn't stopped him in time.

Seethler had shot Taylor. Now she's dead and Eric's broken, blaming himself.

Wes agrees in Eric's opinion that he might have affected the decisions that led Taylor to where she is now (in the cold hard ground) but he doesn't blame Eric, and Eric alone, for her death, unlike Eric himself still does and probably will for the rest of his life. Time is a strange thing. Anything could have happened to lead up to this.

What he regrets most is that he never got to tell her that Jen came back. Wes is sure it's slightly illogical that that's what he blames himself for — at least Eric's guilt is based on reason. But Taylor had understood how much he missed Jen, and how much he hoped she'd come back. Once, when they were both drunk, she'd admitted that she'd spent some wishes on it — from shooting stars, birthdays, and the first star she saw at night. He's forgotten their other alcohol-induced confessions, but this one will stick with him for a long time, maybe even for the rest of his life, the way Taylor's memory will stick with Eric for the rest of his.

He should have tried to get them back together. Shoved them at each other long before now.

He'd smirked.

He was a fool.

* * *

_*_**A/N: **I know the real law is something like 'For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction' but it's easier for me to work with the way I have it. Although I suppose it's not _really _Newton's Law this way.

Anyway, I decided that I didn't want to think up an ending where Taylor lived, because that would have been hard. Yes, I'm lazy, I admit it. But I had these pieces (the parts in April's, Eric's, and Wes's POV's) because I wrote them in response to **.Naxen**'s review.

—_beautifullyblunt_


End file.
